feel good factor

I have been hurting a lot of people intentionally and unintentionally in last couple of weeks.. mostly as a part of my PLANNED CHANGE and mostly to the people who have been the best to me always... I some how made my mum very happy..I never thought it will be so big for her..

every Tuesday she goes to Jhandewallan mandir using local buses. I never liked it coz of her illness and the type of crowd we get in such buses so I always used to tell her that there's no need of going there and all the temples are just same. My mom, as stubborn as me, she never listened to me and kept on traveling in buses.

Not able to afford a permanent driver for her as of now, I told her to use auto/taxi instead and that I will reimburse all her traveling expenses. I cant forget her expressions. The glow, the pride, the happiness on her face as if she is suddenly a proud mother..as if she just got pampered... I can still see her smiling even after 5 hours of our discussion...

I didn't know this bit could be so much for her.. I wonder, similarly, small bits could be equally painful too?

dead or alive?

Looking at moon, thinking almost every night, I wonder if moon is to be praised for its beauty or the sun? is it that beautiful anyway? is it not the same moon I saw last night? Why am I not bored with it yet? because it is beautiful? there are a lot of beautiful persons but I dont wanna see them every day? so why moon and not those people?

I realized that people have behavior, nature, moods, tendency to ask questions, ability to hurt, possibilities to get hurt and so on. Moon is stable. you love it, hurt it, click it, dont look at it...whatever! it still exists as is.. isn't great? look at it every night or once in 12 months, it is surely to calm u each time..

so is it dead or alive? the moon? does it feels good when I applaud it or does it feels bad when I dont bother to look at it? what if it has an heart. I think, it would have faded away like the way I turning gray!

moments of completeness

I was wondering how I feel when different people touches me for different reasons. be it a professional hand shake, a friendly hug, maternal kiss or whatever. I couldn't recognize the feelings..

Although, I remember how i felt when she first touched me. When she touched me again, and again and again. I felt as if I am complete...as if I need nothing more... as if I had no past. as if I have no future. feeling so deep, so true, to never come out.

the way she looks at me tells that she wont regret it, later today or tomorrow. when she is not around, I can still feel her touches and see into her shy eyes. she has been waiting to see me as much as I waited for her, may be more.


her eyes so sparkling, her breath so warm;
her thoughts are enough to feel her charm..


her touch says there will be a brighter tomorrow, even if not, don't be sorrow.
her touch expresses each of her feeling, be she sad or smiling.

her touch is most cherished, felt and desired;
I cant let her stop, selfish me, even if she is tired.